Guilty feeling or 'rasa bersalah' is a rare thing for me to ever feel. Headstrong, maybe, but this 'rasa bersalah' never or rarely come across in my life. Memang dasar kepala batu. I never felt guilty about what have I done to my body and its organs. I drink regularly tahap legend, smoking for every 2 minutes, not to mention other stuff that I have inhaled or abused. Even when my body told me, "Dey macha, kamu punya blood pressure tinggi la macha, mau mati awal ka bos?", I ignored it with gusto and without second thought. Damn, why all stuff that make us feel good have to bite us back?
But, lately this guilty feeling start to come. With it comes heavy heart and disillusioned. Nothing to look forward, nothing to cheer about, nothing nothing nothing nothing. Shit. Even priest at church pun happy lagi dari saya. Bloody bollocks. Hit the club doesn't felt like it was before, playing games also not as enjoyable as it before, except for Hantu Kak Limah, frickin good movie that. I wish im a guy who have loadsa money, maybe I wont feel this way. Hey, money can buy love la retards!! Whoever pandai-pandai saying money is not everything is a dumbass katak bawah tempurung. Wake up la, no bitches will look at you if you punya wallet berdebu. Stupid love. What is love? Semua orang pandang duit la, pakai sumbat kat bontot2 dan segala lobang2. Cerita Korea ka, cerita Hindi ka, those stupid movies only give the wrong impression of love. Worse, it gives hope to poor-no money-no looks guy like me to even thought about love. Sigh.
Still, i bring my guilty without doing anything to appease it. Apa nak jadi, jadi lah. Guilty ka, heavy heart ka, lantaklah. God, throw your best. Like I bother by that. Better to die early, tak la banyak sangat dosa rather than to live long but full of sins. Living is the best revenge, and I will live, I will. I will show you God. Later we can debate about this stupid feeling, the place is Yours to choose, heaven or hell. See you there, be ready.
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